monastic moments

Spirituality 08'

2008-05-03T08:35:00.000-07:00

Just a tote? Just a story? Just an experiment on cloth? Just a bit of embroidery? Just a revised reciy? No..These are a few of expressions of creativity. Creativity is being a woman and in the act of creating something never seen before you leave a bit of self behind when you die.

2005-12-02T07:07:00.000-08:00

I have done a quick retreat back to my cell at the Abbey as I just discovered that a link has routed viewers to this blog from Heathers Advent calendar and I am feeling embarrassed. I have been so involved in her Silk Road Journey I have totally neglected this blog. The calendar is a truly marvelous contribution filled with contributors that have added some great art work. I know I have things to contribute but have not concentrated my attention to present them to the public. For this I apologize and will try to make it up to you by adding this photo. It is of an oil painting I did of the creation of Lemuria, my second home. On the top left Lemuria is rising out of the ocean. The mists gather and the oceans reveal the land, the abbey and one of my journeys. Next year I will be prepared. Jane

Rose Meditattion

2005-11-29T06:39:00.000-08:00

Deeper, deeper, into the center,
uncluttered mind, single focus.
Calm, quiet and peaceful.

The rose, the rose, the rose.

I stand at a crossroads
and chose the one less traveled.
The centuries drop away
and once more I become transported.

The rose, the rose, the rose.

Deep within my meditation I observe the moving centuries and the many lives I have lived on this plane. I see my Iona counterpart and her journey through Europe towards Alexanderia, I see her accepted into the inner circle and her hours searching the knowledge of the world for her pasts. And now, here, in this century, in the center of the rose, I am taken back to my beginnings.
I see the tents in a sandy strip on the most easterly part of Mesopotamia. I can see myself, draped in white linen, one shoulder exposed, and a golden rope belt holding the wrap together in the front. I seem to be standing in expectation, viewing the Tigris river on the East and the Euphrates on my west. Do I of another time somehow know that Jane of this life and time will return before she once more returns to another realm. If we can think it perhaps it is possible?

Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps.

Preparing for another journey

2005-11-29T05:58:00.000-08:00

Once settled on my meditation mat I let my mind review the new tour that I have elected to join.
"Come and join her on a magical caravansary expedition.
The path leads through the Mountains of Myrrh towards the House of the Serpents and patient camels wait to take their hosts"
I let my mind wander, for a while, on the expectations of the journey. I wonder if Frans ‘Donkey, Inc,. will now include camels.? I anticipate the beauty of the desert in the spring, the smells, the warmth that heals the deepest ache, and the comfort of an ice tea in the shade of a canopy during the hottest part of the day. I wonder if they serve ice tea in Mesopotamia, and what do they wear? What will I wear?
"Enough, enough Jane. It is time to do the rose meditation."(Oh dear..I do not have an invitation for the divination tent. I must write Heather…).
"Hush active mind. "
"The rose , is a rose, is a rose, is a rose."

2005-11-16T05:40:00.001-08:00

message delivered

2005-11-16T05:40:00.000-08:00

moonlight on magic mountain

2005-11-16T05:39:00.000-08:00

medit ation

2005-11-16T05:38:00.000-08:00

cloud deliverry

2005-11-16T05:37:00.000-08:00

magic mtn

2005-11-16T05:36:00.000-08:00

Energy mountain photos

Musics message

2005-04-10T08:34:00.000-07:00

My 10pm journey down the halls, following the sound of the music, turned out to be an awakening for me. What started out as curiosity helped put me back on the right path. Upon entering the Abbey, when asked, I said, "I think people enter the monasteries to get to know God deeper then they are able when they participate in the secular world." I said: I hope to reach humbly into the part of me that knows God". That really was an incomplete thought but at the time I did not realize that.
What happened was: I headed down the dark, dimly lit halls towards the sound of the music. As I got closer I could tell it was someone playing a piano and it seemed to be coming from behind a large double door. I pushed open the door slowly hoping to slip in unseen. That would not have been necessary as the room was completely dark. Once insider my eyes adjusted to the darkness I could see that I had entered a large, high ceiling chapel. The light from the moon through the dome sent a beam onto a raised pulpit. To the far right a dim light sat on the top of a spinet piano lighting a page of music. I could not make out the face of the person playing but the emotions were evident. I slid into a back pew and soon was lost in the incredible music coming from the fingers of the piano player. It was obvious that I was watching another person having a deep spiritual experience.
I knew I should leave. I was feeling very guilty for invading such a private space but for some reason I was bound by the experience. The music flooded my soul and I so wished I could be experiencing what the person playing the piano was experiencing. And in that moment I realized what my personal search was. I too wished to feel what the piano player was feeling. I knew there was a part of me that revered God, but bringing God as close as the piano player did must be the most moving experience we could ever have. I wanted to move beyond being a student of God, to move beyond reciting rituals and bible quotes and being preached to by the experiences of others. I desired to actually be in the presence of God.

2005-04-08T07:37:00.000-07:00

Creativity abounds I have gotten creative once more. After organizing my cell with my new supplies I had to try out all the ideas...and now have finished a felted and beaded embellishment, and a hangy, dingy..which will work good on a piece of fabric for a carry some thing. Now I must get back in my meditation routine as here is something nagging at the back of my mind I must address..but now it is late at night and I hear the sound of sacred music echoing down the halls. I think I shall wander a bit and investigate.

Return comfort

2005-04-03T09:39:00.000-07:00

Change is always exhilarating for a short while but there is nothing to compare to returning home. I trudged up the hill from my mountain home, in the dark, with the March snow blowing into my face but still anxious to return to my cell in the Abbey. I could hardly see the Abbey through the snow but the path in front of me was well trodden. Evidently we have more new occupants then when I left a month ago. On leaving I had the best intentions to continue my art commitment and my meditation journal which I started when I first arrived, but the city has a way of changing those plans. I hoped to slip back into that zone.
I pushed open the huge wooden gate and entered the Abbey courtyard at the exact moment that the sun flooded through and bounced off the new blooming flowers in the garden. The surprise snowstorm had not touched the Abbey. Like Lemuria, the Abbey holds the same amount of magic I had become use to there, and I smiled as I pulled the positive, comforting energy around my shoulders, hurried to the entrance and down the long hall to my cell. I could feel the zone closing once again around me. My mind immediately burst with too many creative projects that I was anxious to experiment with as I unpacked the supplies from my backpack. I smiled, knowing I will never be commercial as I cannot resist learning something new, but here in the Abbey that seemed not to matter. It was good to be back.

2005-02-26T12:02:00.000-08:00

A day in the sewing room

A short absence

2005-02-26T11:57:00.000-08:00

This morning I have to pack up my bags and leave the Abbey for a while. A month of therapy is in order. I am afraid that in the visible world it carries me 100 miles away from my cell. I hate to leave as so much is happening around here and I have just began to explore, but I am sure Heather will not give my cell to anyone else. I will just have to postpone my meetings with other Mona’s until I return. I shall keep up my journal though and cannot imagine not producing new art to line the walls in my cell on my return. I do have one more art project to post though. I finished my sewing room project. My ragged, well used book is now beautifully adorned. (If I do say so myself). Farewell Mona’s I have not met personally yet. I feel I already know you from your writings. I am sure I can catch-up when I return. OHHH I must try a scone before I leave. Love to all, Jane

Empty vessel creation

2005-02-25T17:45:00.000-08:00

How linked is God and art! It amazes me that such a source is so available. Daily writing sets the stage for me for expanding my spiritual view and once emerged in the thought of creation miracles appear. Thomas Moore, in his book,"The Soul's Religion" admits he is not good at wood carving but once he cuts into the wood it releases God energy and he is transported into spirituality. He says that we should show no concern for anyone who may not like our efferts because that is not the purpose. What more worthy purpose then stepping a bit closer to God. My favorite phrase, "Energy flows where attention goes," is So true. This picture started as a disaster as I tried to reproduce my oil painting on cloth with dyes and acrylic paints. The idea came from a sketch of a ruins by Feininger. Then ideas flowed...I printed the picture on cloth, then I resized some ancient pots from a magazine, cropped them smaller and printed them on cloth too. Next failure was trying to put acrylic texture on the pots...no good..and then I remembered my fusions..and cut some to put a design on the pots. Now I am figuring out what to do with it. It is held together with scotch tape right now. BUT: the point here is the great results from combining writing and art. I am thankful tonight that Heather created the Abbey and that I found it and joined. Jane

2005-02-25T17:15:00.000-08:00

Empty vessels

2005-02-24T16:48:00.000-08:00

A day in he sewing room.

Library

2005-02-24T08:10:00.000-08:00

Being me on the way to the sewing room I got lost and then distracted. I must have made a wrong turn some where as I ended up at big, glass double doors leading into "The Library". I had to go in and look around. It was a huge place with a balcony surrounding the outer walls. The immensity of it took my breath away. As I stumbled around searching for an index file or guide of some kind I noticed a cozy reading section with huge coffee tables in front of overstuffed chairs. On the tables were daily copies of the thoughts of others who also lived here. I snuggled into the biggest, softest chair and began to read. I am really impressed. What a marvelous group of people, and so many different approaches to art and writing. I am so tempted to interact with each one. But then I realized if I enter into this pleasure I would be taking away from their time and the exploration of my own direction. I think I will have to resist this impulse and just wait until I run into one of them during my activities. I am very tempted to search for that workroom though, that raps around this library. I wonder if I can get a key too. I enjoy reading Winnies poems and thoughts. She seems to have a tongue in cheek humor that I like. People having different opinions are inspiring to me as it makes me look deeper into my own thoughts. The word pride surprised me and I immediately looked around for a dictionary. In my mind the word pride never entered the equation. There are so many thoughts that surround words it is a surprise that we are even able to communicate. The dictionary furthered that thought, as Pride went from proper respect for ones own dignity (positive) to excessive self esteem; (negative) and ego goes from the conscious personality component that directly controls behavior and is most in touch with reality, (positive ) to extreme self importance (negative). In my experience in the abbey I was hoping to avoid the traps of reality and go deep into the mystery of the inner self. Perhaps I picked the wrong words. I am glad she mentioned it though. But time flies and I should be in the sewing room finishing my book cover. First though I found the dialogue on what name to call us amusing. I laughed when I read calling us Monas’ . I can not come up with anything I like better yet. On the way out I noticed a section on creativity . As there seems to be no check out desk here I slipped it into my sewing bag and hurried back the way I came.

The sewing room

2005-02-24T08:07:00.000-08:00

I am afraid I rushed my morning meditation today as I was anxious to return to the sewing room. After leaving breakfast yesterday I wandered through the halls, peeking into any open doors and discovered a sewing room. Bells rang in my head! That is what I will do for my art project. In my room I have a very old paperback copy of "The Tao to Inner Peace" by Diane Dreher. It is well worn and I have always wanted to recover it.
I rushed back to my cell to collect the materials as my mind visualized different things I could do. Just before I went to bed last night I had been experimenting with paint on fabric for the next art project, plus played with some gold paint on an orange scrap. That would work perfect for an embellishment on a book bag. Now I need to figure out something to use for a handle so I can carry it out to the garden to read. I spent the rest of the day working on it and now I just have to do some finishing touches.

Stepping outside

2005-02-21T05:58:00.000-08:00

For the first time since entering the monastery I entered my morning meditation totally void of motivation. My art project is less then inspiring. What I had created in my mind falls flat once I began to maneuver the paints. I should be use to this. There is nothing inspiring in underpainting, but now I do not even have my oil paints, which I love to maneuver, with me. Oils can be messy and acrylics seemed a much more practical medium for using in a small cell, but with the acrylic paints there is no familiar smell and the paint does not flow and blend as it does with my oils. Perhaps I should try a different approach to this project. Better yet perhaps I should just leave this cell for a while. After all, I have not been out of this room for 5 days.
Slipping on blue jeans and a sweat shirt I headed into the hall in search for energy and motivation. The hall was dark and dimly lit from alcoves in the walls. Each alcove held a religious art work. Thomas Moore wrote of how art carried energy of its own which we could absorb. I stopped at each one as I moved down the hall, trying to catch the essence of what the artist was sending, but the symbols did not change the mood I was in. Perhaps another time.
I headed for a door at the end of the hall. Hopefully that would head outdoors, as right now I craved the sun. As I walked along I heard a screach, much like a bird, within the building. I stopped, startled and a bit apprehensive. It seemed to come from the room ahead where the door stood ajar. I moved slowly ahead and once I could see into the room I found myself staring straight into the piercing eyes of a parrot perched high in the window. He spread his magnificent wings and started screeching loudly as I hurriedly moved on. He was definitely protecting his owners cell. Once outside I had to laugh. This was the last thing I had expected to see in a monastery.
Once outdoors my mood quickly lifted and I pleasurably strolled and absorbed the suns energy. It is very understandable why our ancient ancestors worshiper the sun. One of my missions here at the monastery was to collect methods and sources of absorbing spiritual and creative energy. I have slowly been collecting a routine of worship here and the outdoors must fit in the schedule. How many ways are there to collect spiritual and creative energy? The days here will hopefully reveal that to me. But now I see an herb garden ahead and a door nearby leading back into the rear of the monastery. There is a rustic wooden sign above the door and it says KITCHEN.

Humbled again

2005-02-20T07:03:00.000-08:00

This mornings meditation started out with unsettled feelings. Something deep inside was bothering me. Slowly a knowingness came over me. I was bothered by my humanness. My ego had surfaced. One of my main goals in entering the monastery was to always be humble and to ignore that others would read my words. To reach into SELF I knew I had to place ego aside and speak only with my truth. But then I read that Heather has publicly published my words and I run off to take a look. AHA..Ego looms its self centered head. Of course I had to reread my words.
I also thought I had written from my soul but then the last sentence loomed in my mind. "I search for truth. " Yes, that is a noble endeavor, but honestly it was not the truth. It was a zinger sentence, a dramatic ending, a way to finish with a cliff hanger. I feel ashamed.
I did my search for spiritual truths when I was in my thirties, and at that time. After months of reading, thought, debate, and meditation, I came to the conclusion that there are no universal truths. The very word Truth has to be provable and with no exceptions. Although I do believe: "Thy shall not kill; , if my children were threatened by a killer or rapist I would kill. The fact is "Truth needs to be proved. but faith is believing in the unproveable." I am now humbled.
And now I know I must once more empty. With that thought I receive glimpses into my next art work. I love the work of Feininger, and in the 70s’ I did an art work inspired by one of his diagonal thrust drawings. It is the green one on my blog. I am going to in some way incorporate it in the background and place ancient pots in the foreground. I do not know the medium…..perhaps with cloth…..perhaps more fusion…,,,,."
Ok, that is enough of that Jane. Your meditation is over. Go create.""

Answers

2005-02-19T12:42:00.000-08:00

Saturday, February 19, 2005 Sitting quietly on my meditation mat on my third day I am slowly finding a direction. I have added a shelf for the books I have brought, a table for art work, and a desk to write at, and for now it is enough. The walls will stay bare until I have something I have created as a direct results of my meditations. I started a small collage last night. I am not going topreplan but let it evolve as I hope my meditations do. Prayer is asking, Meditation is LISTENING..I will be silent and listen: EMPTY To hear I must empty out. I must become an empty vessel. Preconceived beliefs, expectations or goals will block the small soft voice within. "Piper, play on." SPIRITUAL ENERGY Art and all the humanities are gifts from God through tapping in on the creative energy force. I ask for emptiness so I have room to receive something new and be worthy of such a gift. I ask for humbleness to not feel self pride for something I could not create without God. I ask for emptiness and the ability to hear and produce. I now know what I am seeking. I am seeking joy. I seek a life that makes you smile. A life where you produce something creative that did not exist the day before. A life that fills your heart with peace, accomplishment and joy.

2005-02-19T12:18:00.000-08:00

I have finished my first project and have produced something different then I have ever done before. I started with an acrylic background and then added the face done by Michaelangelo. I died som virgin yarns I had picked up at a rummage sale and dyed them in the microwave to the colors I wanted and sprayed them on to freezer paper sprayed with acrylic medium. After it dries you peel it off and adhere to the background arond the photo. I feel the joy I was seeking.

The monastery

2005-02-18T11:50:00.000-08:00

Meditation 1: What do I consider a monastery is? What do I search that this cell can bring me? What is to be found within these walls that brings me here? These are the questions that arose as I sat on my mat to meditate and I realized that I must first answer these questions before I can proceed.
Looking at images of monasteries around the world I do not view them as I do a church. I am under the impression that churches are filled with believers who feel they know the answers and monasteries are a sanctuaries for seekers who wish to know. I do think that many who enter feel they know and just want to give all their time to their belief, but from my readings, most who have contributed to literature are still seeking. I think people enter the monasteries to get to know God deeper then they are able when they participate in the secular world.
As far as my cell is concerned, I think I know the answer to that. In Lemuria I was free to roam from one adventure to another, and the very act of exploring shielded me from my inner self, I was enjoying but also shielding my soul from too much exposure. The adventures led me close to self, but always there was another path, another door to open. Here, within my cell there is no adventure. Just myself and my soul and hopefully a teacher from the unknown.
So what do I hope to accomplish? What do I seek? I need to look deeper inside for that answer. I must be patient. I must not jump to poetic conclusions or impressive answers led by the ego. I hope to reach humbly into the part of me that knows God. I hope to find truth.

2005-02-18T07:00:00.000-08:00

The abbey

Day 1, commitment

2005-02-17T09:06:00.000-08:00

Entering in the night I have no orientation what so ever of my surroundings. Looking around my assigned cell I feel good, surrounded by spiritual energy. Even though the walls are completely bare I am pleased that my cell has two deep set floor to ceiling, narrow, glass windows . The first rays of morning sun now stream through them, leaving a path across the floor. Nature plays a big part in my spirituality and I am pleased that I can sit in the window seat and scan from earth to heaven. I would hate to have only a small window high in the wall like some of the cells.
The only furnishing in the cell at this time is the double bed on a wooden platform that sits on the floor, with drawers all around for storage. My suitcases and boxes of art supplies are stacked in the corner and I am ready to begin my first day as a novice in the Order of Soul Food. I have no idea what is required. I must explore, but first I need to pull out my yoga mat, center my mind and body, and MAKE A COMMITMENT to do daily meditations.
Day one
MORNING MEDITATION;
How can I use this space of time, cloistered in the Lemurian Abbey, to my best advantage.
EVENING MEDITATION;
What would be the best spiritual art project?